Jim Carrey's Dad #38
Hey all, stay with me here. Yes you read that title correctly…
And I imagine it might seem unusual to wake up on a Friday morning to an email titled “Jim Carrey's Dad”. But I shared this on LinkedIn earlier in the week and it’s been ringing around my head since.
There is a quote, more of a short story, that Jim Carrey shared about his dad.
It’s a story that should inspire you and should motivate you to try the things you are frightened of failing at.
But there is a deeper aspect to consider, and that is what is ringing around in my head.
So today I’ll look at both the inspirational aspect and also the other, perhaps more hidden aspect.
The quote, short story
“My father could have been a great comedian but he didn't believe that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant”
“When I was 12 years old he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive.”
“I learned many great lessons from my father. Not the least of which was that: You can fail at what you don't want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”
- Jim Carry
The moral of the story
It might be obvious to most, but for clarity - the story is about Jim’s dad who made the conservative choice of getting a job as an accountant instead of following his dreams.
If he’d followed his dreams it would have taken him off the ‘well-worn path’, it would have been seen as a higher level of risk, and he would have been balancing that level of risk, the risk of failure. Perhaps, due to the nature of the dream, it would have been a public failure too.
Instead, he chose the less risky route, the route of becoming an accountant, a choice which perhaps would have been seen as a lower risk of failure. And yet he still ‘failed’.
Leaving us with the lesson of - “you can fail at what you don't want”.
The hidden story
Now, this is the thing which has been rattling around my head all week.
Why did Jim’s dad choose the conservative choice?
This is a more complicated, and perhaps an equally important aspect of the story.
You see, anyone can get all fired up and gung-ho and be like “that’s it I’m going to follow my dreams”. But that fire and passion can quickly die out.
My link to Jim’s dad…
3 months before my son was born our house was flooded and we had to move out to temporary accommodation, 6 months after he was born I was laid off. My wife was on a reduced salary, we didn’t have any savings and we had to borrow money to pay the mortgage. I was out of work for 3 months. It was a difficult time.
And that trauma stayed with me for a long time.
The day I became a dad I realised it was my job to provide for my child. I had to get my son’s house fixed as quickly as possible so he could have his first Christmas at home, not spend it in some temporary accommodation. And for the following 16 years, I also had to make choices to ensure I could continue to pay for the family. Those choices, just like Jim’s dad, were conservative choices.
Even what looked like a crazy choice - 'to give up a full-time permanent job and become a PhD student’ - was in fact a conservative choice. The full-time job I gave up was plagued with implied threats of job cuts every year. By choosing the PhD I was guaranteed an income for 3.5 years, albeit a lower level of income. So it was a choice between a lower but guaranteed income or a slightly higher but riskier income. It just so happened that this conservative choice aligned with my aspirational choice too.
At first glance, Jim’s dad appears to be a cautionary tale of a man who was frightened to follow his dreams and ultimately still failed.
I would challenge this in some sense. Jim’s dad, in this story, was a man who sacrificed a part of himself in order to provide stability to his family. Something I see many parents do.
An additional component
There is another thing to consider.
There was this book, I forget the name of it, but it has a great story in there. I am paraphrasing but it went something like this…
“There was a person (let’s call him Bob), Bob was a writer. In fact, he was writing his first novel. He had written the whole thing, but could never finish it. He was stuck in a cycle of revising it, making amendments and revising some more. He’d been finishing that book forever, never getting to the point where he could send it to a publisher”
The book goes on to explain…
The reason Bob never finished his book was this… While Bob was writing the book he was still a writer. He is neither a successful writer or a failed writer, just a writer. But… once he submits that book to a publisher he runs the risk of rejection. He could stop being a writer and become a failed writer, or worse - give up and not a writer at all.
Now the reason I mention this story is to add a 3rd element to Jim’s dad's story.
Jim’s dad, the cautionary tale of how people can make conservative choices and can also fail.
Jim’s dad who likely made the conservative choices in order to support his family, may also have been making those conservative choices to also protect himself from rejection.
And as Jim says - "so many of us chose our path out of fear disguised as practicality."
So to you, I put these questions…
Are you Jim’s dad making conservative choices?
Are you making choices out of fear disguised as practicality?
Or are you like Bob? Choosing not to lean into your dreams out of risk of failure?
Is it better to never try something than to fail trying something new or different?
Does it feel more acceptable to fail after making a conservative choice than to fail after making a more ambitious choice? (and if so, why?)
I have no answers here, these questions are for you. Just remember, you have one short life to live in this infinite universe. I read somewhere that in 5 generations times, you will have been totally forgotten - I personally think you (and I) will be forgotten in fewer generations.
Fin.
And there you go, a bit of philosophical discussion on a motivational quote from Jim Carrey. Who would have thought it eh?
As always, I wish you a fantastic weekend, a fantastic next week and I wish you much happiness.
Best, John