The obstacle is the way #51

Hey all, and happy Friday.

Let’s start by asking yourself these questions. Will your life be free from problems? Will it be free from pain? Will you be free from disappointment? Free from adversity? Free from hardship?

Did things always go as you had planned? Was it a smooth process to get where you are today?

Have you had a life free from pain, discomfort or disappointment?

I’m sure the answer is ‘no’, right?

And for comfort sake, let me assure you - this is normal.

It is the way it is supposed to be.

Don’t believe me?

Around 2,500 years ago Buddhism was formed with the first of the four noble truths sharing the idea that everyone suffers and that suffering is part of the world.

But the way we deal with that suffering determines the quality of the life we life.

In 1914 there was a great fire, 10 factory buildings which belonged to great inventor Edison had set on fire. His life’s work up in flames.

As he watched the fire destroy what he had built, he turned to his son and calmly said "go get your mother and all her friends. They'll never see a fire like this again".

Life throws problems at us all the time.

It throws difficulties at us.

And you will find obstacles which block the way.

Myself

Like you, I have had my share of obstacles.

I’ve written before about how around the age of 20 I was blocked from pursuing the career and education I wanted, and the frustrations that caused.

I was laid off twice. Once from a job I hated and once from a job I enjoyed.

My wife and I suffered many miscarriages before eventually having our 2nd child.

The list goes on, and as I reflect - some obstacles seem so trivial to list, but at the time they seemed like huge obstacles.

Even as petty as the time I failed by driving test. Which felt like a big deal at the time.

The obstacle becomes the way…

But the obstacles I faced throughout my life refined me, they refined my character and they helped me grow.

Hopefully, to grow into a more resilient man.

So how do we deal with these obstacles?

Around 2000 years ago Marcus Aurelius wrote - “our actions may be impeded…but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt.”

But what does that mean?

Our life will face obstacles.

But how we decide to respond to them is up to us.

We can adapt, accommodate and overcome.

So how should we behave?

In the book titled “The obstacle is the way”, Ryan Holiday discussed 3 key elements.

Perception - how we choose to see the obstacle.

Action - the things we must do to overcome the obstacle.

The Will - that deep down fundamental element within you, your soul, your drive.

And further explains that the ultimate question is…

Do we allow the obstacle to block our path, or do we find a way to overcome them or smash through them?

And that, the obstacle itself is the way.

An example from myself

Back when I was that trainee aircraft engineer, I saw a whole bunch of people being offered the higher level course. Every week I asked if I could do it (“please sir can I have some more?”), every week I was told ‘no’ (the obstacle). I was disappointed, frustrated and angry because I thought I felt trapped and destined for less than I believed I was capable of (perception). So I applied directly to the university, I turned up at an open evening (action) and was again told ‘no’ (obstacle), and now I was even more frustrated and upset because I felt permanently blocked (perception).

But I was determined to not be limited by the systems and people around me, I had that fire in my belly to not give up (will). So I found a different course, went to night school two evenings per week (action) while still turning up and working along side those systems and people who had told me ‘no’ (will).

Now let’s explore this example in two different ways…

If the obstacle hadn’t been there - and I’d been able to get on that course.

I would have done it, I would have qualified as a engineer with a degree. I may have stayed at the company and had an okay life.

Many years later the site closed down, 3,000 of my old colleagues laid off. So if that original obstacle hadn’t been present, then there would have been another obstacle waiting around the corner.

So now lets look at it the other way.

The way in which the obstacle was the way.

I had to find my own degree level course, I had to pay for that course, I had to turn up two evenings a week while working full time. I was definitely the youngest on the course. It was difficult, and I was exhausted from the extra workload.

But I was taking action against the obstacle.

And I learned a lot.

And after completing my original aircraft engineering apprenticeship - I quit the company and went full-time to university. That extra course opened up that path for me. A path where I followed my passion of working in computing.

I went on to spend 20 years in an industry/profession I enjoyed. I went on to use my passion to teach others, I completed a masters degree and eventually quit that teaching job and took 3 years out to do a PhD.

For me, the obstacle was the way.

I had a strong will and took action to overcome it.

The reflection

Now reflecting on this, and the three elements set out in Ryan Holiday’s book (perception, action and will), I was strong in two and weak in the third.

Over my life I have been blessed with having a strong will. A strong understanding of what I want coupled with strong determination, and while vague and unspecific it drives me forward.

I am blessed with a strong inclination towards action. I mean, just take this newsletter as an example - how many people do you know commit to writing something every week and sharing it with the world? - it is just simply a form of action.

But, back then, my perception was negative - the obstacle fuelled frustrations, it caused misery, even anger and a sense of being trapped. And for me, perhaps this is the most important lesson of this newsletter - to learn that the obstacle is the way, and that we should embrace those obstacles.

You see, the obstacle is the way to many things.

It is a way of learning, growing and achieving things you will look back on and be proud of.

So…

Enjoy your obstacles

Be inclined to action

And cultivate a strong will.

Fin.

Thanks for reading. As always, I appreciate seeing the metrics of % of people who open this up and read it.

And, as always - I hope this was meaningful to you in some way.

John

P.S. If you’re interest, Ryan Holiday has done an audio summary of this book - The obstacle is the way (Spotify).

P.P.S.

I’ve set myself a challenge with these newsletters, and that is to write 100.

It goes back to the idea that you should do something 100 times before quitting (will). And by doing a thing 100 times, it should give you enough time to improve at that thing and also enough experience to decide if you want to keep doing that thing.

The obstacle - it would take me one more year to write 50 more, which is a long time to wait (obstacle).

So I’m thinking about writing these twice per week (likely Mondays and Fridays) (the action).

This will half the time to get to 100.

So let’s see if you get one on Monday 🤷‍♂️