What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid? #50
Hey all,
Wow, look at that - we’ve made it to the 50th issue.
The general advise is - do something 100 times before quitting.
So, we’re half way there!
Today lets look at the topic of…
What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?
What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid? - an inspirational quote I was first introduced to at Facebook.
It was printed on posters and placed on the walls of many different Facebook sites.
The aspiring intention (or my understand in the context of Facebook) is to remove your own blockers and do stuff, or more specifically build awesome stuff.
It’s a mantra and message that can relate to us all. All of which is discussed in the book by Michal Oshman (link).
For many of us it might make us look forward, asking questions such as: what do I want to do?
And we may spend time day dreaming of living that life, doing those things, being that person.
Or at least thats how I react - after all the question is “what would you do?”
But here is my problem with those surface level reactions to the phrase - it fails to focus on - what are you afraid of?
You see, being bold, knowing what you would do is only half of the battle.
You’re still afraid of something right?
Your fears didn’t simply fade away.
They are still blocking you.
And this, my friends, is the whole point of this newsletter.
And if I have one goal for this issue it is to simply get you to think about what is stopping you, what are you frightened of? And, I think to normalise those fears, to know they are shared. And, hopefully, when you reflect on them to realise they are actually not that important. (Is that 3 goals?)
What are the common fears?
I recently saw this meme, it’s a variant of a common meme of a man and a women in bed, with the woman thinking the same thought and the man usually thinking something dumb like “who would win in a fight, a shark or a bear?”.
But here, it depicts Morty being kept awake with his fears.
And, in the interest of openness - I can relate to Morty here.
But surely thats not just me right, I’m sure others have similar fears.
So I used Copilot, a generative AI model, to answer two questions:
What are the top 10 fears for men?
What are the top 10 fears for women?
For context, Copilot will give the common answer, the keyword is common. And the purpose of listing these here is so you know these fears are common.
Top 10 Fears for Men
Fear of Failure: The fear of not succeeding or falling short can hold anyone back. Overcoming this fear involves acknowledging its roots and taking action to move forward.
Fear of Success: Surprisingly, some men fear success. They worry about the changes it might bring and the possibility of losing it. Embracing both success and failure as part of life can help alleviate this fear.
Appearance and Aging: Men also worry about their appearance as they age. They may dye their hair, dress younger, or seek facial treatments to maintain a youthful image.
Financial Stability: Concerns about job security, financial stability, and providing for their families can weigh heavily on men’s minds.
Health and Well-Being: Worries about health, fitness, and longevity are common. Men may fret about chronic illnesses, weight gain, or maintaining an active lifestyle.
Relationships: Men worry about maintaining healthy relationships with family, friends, and partners. Fear of rejection or conflict can be stressful.
Parenting: Becoming a father brings its own set of worries. Men may wonder if they’re doing enough for their children or if they’re making the right decisions.
Social Expectations: Societal expectations around masculinity and emotional expression can create anxiety. Men may feel pressure to conform to certain norms.
Loneliness: Men can struggle with feelings of isolation. Building and maintaining meaningful connections is essential for mental well-being.
Purpose and Fulfillment: Questions about life purpose, career satisfaction, and personal fulfillment can keep men awake at night.
Top 10 Fears for Women
World Events: The current state of the world, including global events like the pandemic, protests, and economic uncertainties, can cause significant stress and anxiety.
Sleep: Not getting enough restful sleep is a common worry. Sleep is crucial for overall well-being.
Financial Concerns: Money matters, job security, and financial stability can weigh heavily on women’s minds.
Health of Loved Ones: Women often worry about the health and safety of their family members, especially children and older parents.
Body Image: Concerns about appearance, aging, and body image can impact self-esteem.
Parenting: Worries related to parenting, such as raising healthy, well-adjusted children, can be consuming.
Balancing Responsibilities: Juggling multiple roles (work, family, caregiving) can lead to stress and overwhelm.
Self-Care: Neglecting their own health due to prioritizing others is a common issue for women.
Overwhelm: Feeling constantly overwhelmed by responsibilities and expectations.
Anxiety-Related Disorders: Anxiety, poor sleep, and stress-related symptoms can affect overall well-being.
And then there are the fears of change itself. Those extra little fears that, if you could overcome the first round of fears, you would then be confronted with more fears, including:
Fear of Failure
Fear of Success
Fear of Change
Fear of the Unknown
Fear of Rejection
The list goes on.
And by the end of it we are crippled by fear.
So…
Now we’ve covers parts 1 and 2 of that singular goal I set out.
You’ve read about some fears, you’ve maybe reflected on those in relation to your fears, maybe added a few extra. And because some of those fears you have are on the list, you hopefully understand they are normal - they are common - most people have them
Now let’s figure them out
I like the following quote, I’ve seen it written in a few forms, but this one fits nicely.
“Once you can name something, you’re conscious of it. You have power over it. You’re in control. You own it” - Robin P. Williams
Now you have identified and acknowledged your fears, you can do something about it.
And in reality, our fears are often overstated, they take up too much space in our mind and can easily be overcome.
So I suggest, spend some time trying to describe and understand those fears - it will help.
You will own them.
Let’s use an example…
We can start with Morty… ‘will I make it?’, ‘what if I fail?’
And by Morty, I mean me. I have these fears.
My goal is - to enjoy life, spend more time doing the things I enjoy, and have enough money to keep my family safe and happy.
My answer - find something, a path, a way forward, that enables me to spend less hours at my desk while funding my life.
The challenge - figuring out ‘what that thing is, what is the path, what is that way forward [if I weren’t afraid]’?
The fear - (one fear of many I guess) I only have a limited time to do something which will help me achieve my goal.
In short, my mind thinks like this - I’m 45, I give myself 5 years to do the ‘thing’ so I can spend later years benefiting from it. 5 years isn’t long so my mind creates fear focused on:
What if that <current> idea doesn’t work?
What if you use all your time on the wrong idea, and won’t have time for other ideas to work.
What if it all fails?
What if you get to 65 and still have to keep working for the rest of your life?
The list goes on.
And that fear cripples any action. One reasons is my mind can’t decide what to do. And if it get started then I start to doubt if I should continue with that idea.
But by acknowledging this fear I can own it and think it through more rationally:
45? +5 years? - I’ve got plenty of time.
I know plenty of people in their 50s who I respect and admire, and aren’t ‘old’
Worried about picking only 1 thing and it failing? I can do more than 1 thing?
My ideas probably will fail (thats leads to another fear 🤦♂️🤣), but thats normal and OK, don’t worry about it, just have fun
But the ultimate realisation, I’m fixed on the goal rather than the journey (just like we talked about last week).
So, stop worrying, find something you enjoy doing and give it all a try!
And now we’re back at the start, having answered the question “what am I afraid of”, perhaps a refined question of - “what journey do I want to go on?”.
But I can answer that being one fear lighter.
So perhaps some homework, think about your fears. Try to understand them. And, try to understand, are they really a reason to stop you?
Fin.
I hope that helps, I hope it resonates with you.
I hope you can find your path, that thing or things you would do if you weren’t afraid.
Hope you have a great weekend.
John